The Wedding

It's been more than 24 hours since my sister got married. The past two days almost feels like a dream. They went so fast that before I could realise their passing, here I am, in an empty but trashed house writing this post. The marriage was held at the St. George's Cathedral and the reception in the Cathedral lawns, an old, historic and beautiful venue.

The wedding and the reception were a huge success, everything started off on time, at 5:15 pm on the dot. The bride, my sister, was radiant and glowing in a way that only the best beauty parlour could make. The groom looked nervous and the best man, me, looked incredibly smashing in a grey suit (errm, someone has to say it, I might as well do it!). The event had 1900 plus guests, perfect weather and a plan that got executed to perfection, a tribute to Dad's 2 weeks of careful planning. To be honest, only 1600 odd were invited guests, the rest were local goons, passersby and poor people, there was food for everyone.

What struck me the most was how much of a packaged deal the entire marriage was. Gone are the days when one had to work hard at the venue of the marriage or the reception to ensure that it was arranged well, hustle the cooks to do their jobs , ensure the flowers were delivered and then do the decoration oneself. Now, there are contractors for everything, so we had, an interior and exterior decorator, a vegetarian caterer, a non vegetarian caterer, security contractor, stage contractor, lighting contractor etc. We just had to reach the venue at the appointed time and everything was set and ready. One couldn't help feeling like a bit part player in Steven Spielberg's latest Magnum Opus.

These contractors create an aura of a magical evening that surrounds you everywhere. Everything looks bright and beautiful. There is a look of opulence and class in everything you see. But the problem with these magical evenings is that they come to a rapid end with a calculated professional coldness. Very much like Cinderella and her pumpkin. The minute the last guest is greeted, the chairs are efficiently stacked and when the bride and groom step off the stage, the stage starts getting dismantled. Piece by piece the reception hall is cleaned up even before you realise that it's over. Then come bloated up bills, heated arguments and the final payments, within minutes after the last guest was walking out. After handling hundreds (and that's not an exaggeration) of tip hunters, the families retired to their respective homes, tired, yet happy. Realisation that this was the very end of a rather large and long project not striking them as yet.

For me, it was a bitter sweet night. The professionalism, though impressive made the event too perfect and impersonal. The still and video cameramen seem to be firmly in control of everything. Everyone were jostled around, made to stand in a line up or a particular awkward pose and everything looked like one giant photo shoot. These guys get paid by the number of photographs or length of video footage they take, hence they stretch everything to the maximum they can. And we are so caught up on recording the moment that we forget live the moment to its fullest or to have fun and instead end up letting these money-crazed photographers control us till the end. Something worth thinking about, isn't it?

One of the best moments for me was when I met the man who got me interested in banking, Mr. Rau. This senior gentleman gladly took me in as a project trainee 10 years ago when he was a Deputy Manager in a leading Public Sector Bank. Those were fantastic days spent in conversation about stuff most people found boring like currencies, economics, foreign exchange, trading, risk management etc. The difference was that with him everything was interesting, lively and even at times funny. We also did talk about music, women and sports, hardly common topics for a 50 year old and a 20 year old. He was one of the most straight forward, intelligent, and decisive officers I have ever seen in any organisation. Since he belongs to a forward caste, he never got the promotion opportunities that he would have in a private company. The people, who worked under him, learnt from his experience and were from a backward or a scheduled caste community had gone to senior roles in the bank, thanks to our country's caste reservation policies. Mr. Rau retired in the same post that he had held for more than ten years. Unheralded. Another point that makes you think. We can't keep doing this if we want to progress as a nation.

I cherish his friendship and I've promised myself that I would visit him more often.

The toast that was proposed that by this uncle of mine was pretty interesting too. Apart from the usual flowery stuff, he said something that stuck to my mind. He said that a good marriage is like an interesting conversation, it always ends too soon even if it lasts for 50 years or more. He then concluded by saying that this was the reason that every moment has to be cherished and enjoyed. So true!

There were certain moments of mirth though, the sitar player (and his accompaniment) were originally supposed to play Christian music but ended up playing movie songs (Hindi/Tamil, old/new), due to a song book malfunction. The icing on the cake was the rendition of 'Manmatha Rasa' a raunchy Tamil number (just the music, thank goodness), never before heard in any church premises (and never after, I presume). Another such moments was when a famous radio personality and a distant cousin of mine, cajoled by my father to be the MC, ended up fumbling with everyone's names, quotes and just about everything else. It looked like a live super bloopers show. The boy was just not used to talking in front of a large audience.

There was a surprising lack of emotions from anyone in the family during the entire day; I guess it was due to all the hectic work, no one had the time to even think. It was all about smiling, making pleasant conversation and then moving on to the next guest.

We all visited my sister's new apartment, with tons of essential items to for the house yesterday (the day after the wedding). As she went through everything, my sister picked up a coffee filter looked at it strangely and was holding it nervously for awile. Then she blurted that she had no clue what this was for. I think that was the only time that everyone went misty eyed for a few minutes. There was still a lot of the little girl we remembered fondly in this newly married lady after all.