Work vs. Life

I was reading about the graduates from top notch Business Schools like ISB & IIMs were getting paid close to $250,000 and I went WOW! This was for two reasons, firstly the amount of money seemed rather high, secondly for that amount of money (or for any amount for that matter), there was no class associated with the way the news came out. The fact that the schools themselves put out this information seems rather strange. Yes I know this is good publicity but what about that bright candidate who wants to take up teaching? Or the one that wants to go work for his/her government? These guys wouldn't really be getting this kind of money. It appears to me that these schools have narrowed down their success parameters to the amount of salary that their graduates got. Like I said earlier, no class whatosever.

I just thought about my life. I passed out of a business school eight years ago, with dreams of making it big. I wanted to get at the big bucks and I wanted to do it quick. I worked hard, feeling guilty every time I didn't reach a target or a deadline. This indeed is strange behavior for me, because when I grew up I was rather wild. I hardly had a good grade in school & I barely managed to make it through Engineering College. If ever there was a term that was the rank opposite of creme de la creme, it would have fitted me pretty well. B-School made me serious I think, to be honest, it also gave me a lot of self belief and I decided that if I did something, I wanted to be the best at it. I joined my first bank.

Later, when my kid sister decided to take up a teaching job, giving up a lucrative offer from a bank, I didn't quite understand her choice. I was even crass enough in thinking that she hadn't had the guts to take up a more challenging job.

Now with the passing of time, I look at my life, I have a job that keeps me occupied 7 days a week, 15 hours a day. I travel 4 days a week & the worst part is I love doing it and I'm getting to being half decent at what I'm doing too. Not that I love the hard work, I surely don't but I enjoy the challenge and the responsibility. Now, I simply don't know another way of living. My sister on the other hand, has a nice life, a job that she thrives in and a personal life that is very fullfilling, as usual, my kid sister has her own way of proving that she was spot on with her choices.

Over the last year or so there are moments of remorse that I have, moments when I wish that I had spent a bit of time to work on my personal life. Maybe I'd be married now, maybe I'd have kids. Maybe I'd have the time to be with dad during his day long check up or maybe the time to help mom pick up that new pair of glasses (both of those things I should have done, but just haven't had the time to do so the last one week). Maybe I'd have had the time to create something for the sake of creating, not coz it makes some revenue sense. But some of these things that I yearn to do scare me if it ever they turn into reality, especially when it comes to women, probably thats why I'm so good at screwing up my relationships. But hey, no complaints, I love my job, right?

Somehow work provides a cocoon for people like me, we think we are doing something earth shatteringly important and buzz around in our formal wear from one meeting to another, from one city to another, living month on month, year on year. I remember having a new years eve drink with a pal who works for a large MNC, this is a guy who is heading India for a division, he said wryly that he didn't know if that drink was to celebrate the successful completion of one year or to fortify him for the 50% increase in the target for the next year (which started the next day).

In reality most of our personal lives really don't amount to shit. It's like being the Darth Vader, you look cool in the black suit but heck you gotta breathe through a tin hat to survive.

I have a former colleague and a dear friend U. I spoke to her yesterday after 2 months or something and figured out that she is unwell and is bedridden. Now if ever there was someone so motivated to work and had extremely high energy levels it is she. After telling me what was wrong, she then proceeded to talk about work and she told me that life became too crazy with monthly sales incentives being announced. They firstly were too big to be ignored plus achieving top incentives also meant that you stayed ahead of the pack, which meant a lot for someone who strives to do atleast a bit more than the rest. I realised that one of the reasons she was there in that bed was coz of the stress in her work life. She's just 27.

Knowing her, I know she'd be on her feet in a couple of weeks and buzz around like the Energizer bunny she is. Hopefully, she wouldn't maintain the stress levels that she is used to, no one deserves that.

Now I don't make anywhere close to that $250,000 but I make good money, more than I had ever set to make and all I can say to those kids passing out is that sometimes you gotta think if all that money was really enough to sell your soul for. I'm not advocating that everyone do their own thing and go smell the daisies or whatever but what I'm saying is that never take a job more seriously than you should, the price that you pay just isn't worth it.

An attachment with a job or a career should never come in the way of human attachments, to repair the damage is a long and tough process and a some people like me have no clue where to begin.