Dad turned 59 yesterday, Mom had managed to convinced him that it was a good idea for a prayer meeting, something rather new at our household. From about 6 pm the place was literally invaded by aunts, uncles, cousins, neices, nephews and a whole lot of strange people. Deftly managing to avoid the cheek pinching aunts, I ensured that everyone settled down, had a drink in hand (non-alcoholic ofcourse!) . The prayer meeting commenced at 6:30 pm, sharp. The ceiling of the house was nearly blown away by the sudden burst of singing with hoards neighbours rushing to our compound wall. I could see the worry in their face, there is nothing like a family going holy in a neighbourhood because it always results in audio assaults at odd times of the day (and night).
Now my are dogs really not used to such performances around the house, often having to be satisfied with a solo by my sister were overjoyed and joined in the merriment. The result was a howl, well, actually a series of howls. There were a total of four songs and result was a couple of madly happy dogs and nearly destroyed building. After a few minor but interesting incidents (like the Pastor falling alseep when someone was praying etc) the meeting ended.
Everone broke into small groups and the usual chit chat followed about who died, who was the latest occupant of a padded cell etc. I went around serving cups of juice to the junta and the following are some examples of the exhilarating conversation that followed:
An Uncle I've never met before: So where do you work
Me: XYZ Bank, would you like some fresh juice?
Uncle: Ah, how long do you work there
Me: Usually from 9:30 am to 6:30 pm
Uncle: No No, Since when do you work?
Me: Oh I see what you mean, I've been with them for the last 3 years
Uncle: What is your salary? These MNC banks pay well ah?
Me: (thinking) I get a five paise coin every time i do a back flip. (But saying) Excuse me Uncle, I think my mother is calling ..
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An Aunt I knew barely: R., your mother tells me that you are next in the line for marriage!
Me: (smile weakly) Fresh Juice, Aunty?
Aunt: So tell me what kind of girl are you looking for...there are a lot of good girls! Even the other day I met this girl who finished her doctorate..
Me: (Thinking) Naah, Can you manage a hot redhead with green eyes instead? (But saying) No Aunty...We are just focussing on my sister's wedding at the moment..I have no plans of getting married now...
Aunt: Ah! You already have a girl in mind huh (conspiratorial wink) should I speak to your Mommy?
Me: (Thinking ) Oh yeah, My girl is waiting for me outside as we speak, we are planning on a night of raw passion. You think you can cover for me? Oh, and can I borrow your car? (But saying) No.. No Aunty, I have no girl in mind...I think Mom needs me...
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Aunt I knew well: Meet my nephew R., he works for XYZ (dragging me infront of a pompous uncle)
Pompous Uncle: (in a pompous tone) Ah! What do you do?
Me: (thinking) I clean the executive restroom (But saying) I'm in corporate banking
Pompous Uncle: Credit cards? I get calls from you people daily! Even today a girl called Rashmi called me for taking another card, They don't let you live in peace i say! I know she will call again. She even has my mobile number..
Me: (Thinking) Yeah, hang around, she just might call you for phone sex (But saying) Sorry about that but I'm in the corporate banking division
Aunt: Yes, He is a manager.
Pompous Uncle: My nephew works in ABC bank, you know? He's a vice president.
Aunt: R. is expecting a promotion soon! (nudge)
Me: (Thinking) Ah..Great! does my Boss know?
Pompous Uncle: He (the VP) is always flying here and there. Very busy fell0w! He has 2 children, studying in the Bombay Scottish School!
Me (Thinking) Yeah and I bet he also has 2 dogs who hang out at the Kennel Club (But saying) Thats nice... excuse me..
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It was one long evening to say the least. Dear Reader, if ever you have such social events at home, take my advice, Skip town.
6 comments:
ha! Sounds like family gatherings have many things in common, even across oceans. I didn't find it boring at all, I liked it!
SC(still chuckling)
and 'bout time i skip town too ...'coz i see one of those family gathering is jus round the corner
As I'm 30+ & still single, at family or relativess function, all these aunties & uncles will shoot one standard question at me "when will you get married?" A night, more than 10 times this questions being asked. Urgghh!
sigh .. am choking with nostalgia.. I used to think being a teenager was worse (of course that was looonnng back) but now that I have been introduced to tact I preferred questions like what do u plan to do after ur tenth to when will u get married?!!!
Cheesey, I'm glad to hear that everyone gets the same treatment :)
db, 19 kids????? Your what was your grandparents aiming for? 2 Soccer teams? Must be incredibly fun though :)
Zaa, They are not sad but extremely embarassing.
Swathi, I advise you to pick the next train!!!
DizzyGuy, You can have my aunts too!
Jaygee, The only question i ever got asked as a teen was 'R., how are you going to pass the final exams this year??' lol
good post
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